Making Living Amends in 12 Step Recovery

Staying put was very awkward for me initially, but as time passed, it became more comfortable. But the basic idea is legalized, government-approved piracy. If you captured an enemy ship, you get to keep the booty. This was actually hugely important during the Revolutionary War. America didn’t have much of a Navy, so the government outsourced naval battles.

The List Of Wrongs

• Early in my recovery, I learned neither my son nor my husband was listening to anything I said.
• An alcoholic in recovery first creates the list of individuals they have harmed during step eight and then divides the list into four categories.
• Tragic events happen every day, and in ways we least expect.
• Making amends means apologizing but also goes one step further—doing everything in your power to repair the damage, restore the relationship, and/or, replace what you took.

To learn about our scholarship program, please click below or contact our team today. To learn how your gift supports our scholarship, click below. Making amends is a great intention that doesn’t always pay off with a positive experience.

How Making Amends Benefits Your Recovery

We do not and have never accepted fees for referring someone to a particular center. Providers who advertise with us must be verified by our Research Team and we clearly mark their status as advertisers. However, there are situations where it might not be appropriate. If approaching the other person opens up old wounds or re-traumatizes them, making amends isn’t advisable. If interacting with someone re-traumatizes you, or increases your risk of relapse, you might want to reconsider approaching them.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Disorders

Those who have experienced 12-step recovery will be familiar with step 9, which involves the making of amends to anyone whom we have harmed in the past. It’s much easier to just apologize and move on, but committing to living your life differently looks different. Making these types of life improvements typically requires that you work with a counselor or therapist who can provide an outsider’s perspective and objective view of your life.

An Amend, Not an Apology

Whatever the situation, there are a few ways to get started in the process of repairing wrongs with the people you most care about. Living Amends is a non-profit organization that provides a scholarship living amends to vetted sober livings throughout Texas. Scholarships are granted to those individuals who have completed an in-patient treatment and are looking to continue their recovery journey in sober living.

When someone is struggling with substance abuse, their disease affects not only themselves but also everyone around them. The person may withdraw from those closest to them, be quick to lash out, or even steal from family and friends. When a person gets sober, it can be difficult to process the pain they have caused their loved ones. Making amends, however, can help repair strained relationships while also reinforcing recovery. Hurting the ones you love is a common result of behaviors related to addiction. Your past drinking or drug use has shaped your relationships with family members for years now, and just starting recovery isn’t enough to repair the damage done.

• Having a sponsor helps with the ninth step, as sponsors work side-by-side with recovering alcoholics and help determine how to handle making amends.
• Staying put was very awkward for me initially, but as time passed, it became more comfortable.
• Like the definition says, amends is something we do to make up for something we feel guilty for.

One of the 12 Steps is making amends, and that action is intended to heal both parties involved. Nelson Mandela understood that truth and reconciliation was the only true path forward for a nation that had experienced so much trauma. The goal in making amends is “to freely admit the damage we’ve done and make our apologies,” according to The Big Book. In some cases, making amends may mean paying or promising to pay “whatever obligations, financial or otherwise, we owe,” the Big Book also states. An example would be telling someone how sorry you are that you stole from them and actually giving back what you took. Prove to those who love you that you are a person of your word, and they can rely on you when things get tough.

• But in each case, there are good reasons to gather our courage and approach people with sincere words and actions that recompense past wrongs.
• Making amends can involve a direct approach or an indirect approach.
• It’s much easier to just apologize and move on, but committing to living your life differently looks different.
• While the process may seem daunting at first, you can make amends in a way that’s sincere and respectful.
• Those in recovery are encouraged to make direct amends whenever possible.

We believe that the only path to forgiveness is asking it of the person we love, the person we believe we hurt, and making amends for what we did wrong. That might not be so tricky if the person were still alive. You're left with a mountain of guilt and no one to apologize to, no one from whom you can ask forgiveness or make amends. I don’t call him to see how his meeting went this week or what step he’s on. Nor do I play the peacemaker between him and our Mother. If he specifically asks for my opinion, which he doesn’t, I will give it.

• I cannot go back and change the past, but I can take responsibility for my actions.
• To make amends means to apologize for something you have done or for wronging someone in some way.
• Making amends, however, can help repair strained relationships while also reinforcing recovery.
• Before completing step nine, the recovering alcoholic needs to be ready to deliver their message with the best intentions, not motivated by false expectations.

How the other person chooses to respond to our amends is out of our control. Completing Step 9 is the next step forward in recovery, regardless of how the other person responds. Some of these same things can happen to the other person in the process. They may find resolution and understanding about the past.